Shoulda

Good morning Mistress Cecilia! I hope with all that I am that your morning opens upon a morning of bliss that leads to an afternoon of delight and an evening of pure joy. I wish nothing but the best for you each and every day. And a happy good morning to one and all; I hope each visitor here has a fun and informative visit.

I worked a bit late yesterday and when I finally got home I took a nice long shower and crawled into bed and awoke hours later unaware that the night had passed in blissful slumber until long after the sun had made its appearance on this new day. And that got me thinking and is what I wanted to comment on in this abbreviated blog entry.

My head hit the pillow and my eyes drifted shut and the night passed in a flash of dancing images as I dreamed of things no longer remembered and barely acknowledged. The night flew past and my head did not wander from point A to B to the letters in their prime. And when I awoke, refreshed and ready to face another day it dawned on me how last week was easier to face knowing that the night wasn’t going to crawl past in frustration as sleep would keep darting further and further into the coming dawn.

It’s funny how much better your whole day is when your night passes as nothing but a dream.

If you’ve read this blog in its entirety or are familiar with more of the posts than just a passing one or two then you know how I am not good at saying either what I like or what bothers me. If I am seething or angry or wanting something or wanting to bring up a point, well, I probably won’t do it until such time that the growing powder keg blows up if I’m bothered or never if it’s just something I’d like. The ridicule I have faced through my life has long ago taught me to keep my damned mouth shut.

But you know, as I do, that when I realized I was having a hard time falling asleep again I shoulda said something to Mistress Cecilia as I knew, based on past experiences that she could help me. She has helped me. I’m not saying I’m smart, or wise, or normal or sane, I am just myself with all my odd little quirks; my insecurities are part of who I am and I have long ago learned to live with them. But, I shoulda said something, don’t you see? Knowing that I could be helped, why wouldn’t I reach out and ask for the help that was so easily obtainable?

I cannot answer that question. If Mistress Cecilia in her infinite wisdom and her welcome empathy and amazing intelligence hadn’t probed I’d be suffering with insomnia in silence instead of sleeping blissfully and facing better days. Silence in this case was not golden as that old saying goes.

Writing this entry and posting it, I hope, will allow me to remember the lesson I need to learn. I can’t promise I will, I don’t like making promises I cannot keep; but I can promise to try. Yes, I can promise that much.

Ultimately I cannot thank Mistress Cecilia enough for all that she is and all that she does. She is a remarkable woman, smart and witty, fun and exciting, sexy and warm. The dictionary is full of happy little adjectives, I don’t need to bore you, dear reader, with them. If you are on the fence, wondering if you should place that first call, or afraid to, well, I was there once too. That first call took more courage than leaping from an airplane. Now, looking back, I am glad I did. And you will, too.

Thank You Mistress Cecilia.

Humbly and Happily Yours.